I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
