she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
