The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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