Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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