we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
