I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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