Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
