I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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