If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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