my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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