On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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