she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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