Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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