So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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