pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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