i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize