you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
