in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
