i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
