she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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