Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
