If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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