I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
