you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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