why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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