I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
