This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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