He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
