i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
