did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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