God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
