remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
