why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
