i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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