I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
