She said her name was "party"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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