I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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