I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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