i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she pinky promised me she was 18
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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