The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
