flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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