I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
