Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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