So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
