Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're too hungover to prance.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
