so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
