Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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