I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
