Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
