Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
