Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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