maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
