I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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