I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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