Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
