So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
