explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
