If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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