I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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