she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
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I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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