I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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