i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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