I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
