i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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