You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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