how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
