i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
