i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
