whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
