i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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